does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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