watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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