Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
