u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
