how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
