Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
