i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
operation have a gay friend backfired
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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