If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
