Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
