and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
