Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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