there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
