I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish i was in the wii world.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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