Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
