i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
