I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
