he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
