I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We need to get me chipped asap
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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