it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
