Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
