respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
