the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
