There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
