sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
