I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
