We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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