I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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