i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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