I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
