I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
