I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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