God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
