Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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