Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You pole danced in your parka.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize