I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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