Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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