Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
