yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
