How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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