I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
