just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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