i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
