I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My vagina is officially offended.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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