Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
