he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
