you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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