getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
