she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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