Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
