If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
