She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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