I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
