margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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