And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
