i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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