i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can you bring me the toilet please
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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